when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
