dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You may now shotgun with the bride
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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