why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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