Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
