What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
