i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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