don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
