which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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