We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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