You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
