What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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