also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize