We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
