it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize