OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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