even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
