I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
