Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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