in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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