life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You can't special order awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize