Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i think my tv is drunk
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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