You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
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Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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