thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
