i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
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I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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