Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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