hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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