Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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