Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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