We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
