So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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