I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
