Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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