we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
