we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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