I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
