and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize