I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
