OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize