nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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