just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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