Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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