I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
