hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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