In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
