i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
