no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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