I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
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My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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