Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
false alarm, still single
Randomize
