I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
