Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
