do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
