It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
