"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
