There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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