I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
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Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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