How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
