dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
