I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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