Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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