So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just tell him i said nine months
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
