I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
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The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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