Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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