i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
