I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
