So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
