i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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