she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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