He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
