Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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