dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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