i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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